Shit happens.

  • Taoism: Shit happens
  • Confucionism: Confucius says: 'Shit happens'
  • Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn't really shit
  • Zen: What is the sound of shit happening?
  • Hinduism: This shit has happened before
  • Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah
  • Protestantism:Let the shit happen to someone else
  • Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it
  • Judaism: Why does shit always happen to us?
  • Sufism: The wise man never notices shit happening
  • Christian Science: If shit happens, pretend it doesn't really exist
  • Solipsism: Shit happens because I wish it
  • Mysticism:Just experience shit happening
  • Asceticism: If shit happens, renounce it
  • Agnosticism: Nobody knows why shit happens
  • Gnosticism: I know why shit happens but won't tell you
  • Atheism: Shit just happens and that's all there is to it
  • Cartesianism: Shit happens to me, therefore I exist
  • Platonism: There is ideal shit happening somewhere
  • Stoicism: I don't care if shit happens
  • Epicureanism: Let's party while shit doesn't happen
  • Cynicism: Of course shit happens
  • Occultism: Shit materializes from other planes of existence
  • Terrorism: Shit will happen unless you do as I say
  • Pollyanism: It's sonice that shit happens!
  • Puritanism: Shit can happen all day as long as you don?t call it that
  • Behaviorism: You are conditioned to having shit happen
  • Freudianism: If shit happens, it's your mother's fault
  • Parapsychology: Shit happens without material causes
  • Surrealism: Purple shit happens near melting clocks
  • Cubism: If shit happens, you won't recognize it
  • Cultural relativism: Shit happens everywhere differently
  • Optimism: If shit happens, we'll find a way to use it
  • Pessimism: If shit happens, there won't be enough for everybody
  • Tabloid Sensationalism: Green shit from Mars happens to Elvis clone
  • Biblical Creationism: Shit happens because God created it
  • Secular Humanism: Shit happens because it evolved from primitive shit
  • Scientific Reductionism: If shit happens, find out what kind exactly
  • Scientific Obscurantism: Amorphous excrement does occur in given cases
  • Bureaucracy: I don't care if shit happens as long as you fill out the forms
  • Feminism: Women demand to have shit happen
  • Ecology: If organic shit happens, it's OK
  • Capitalism: Let's profit from shit happening
  • Socialism: If shit happens, let's distribute it equally
  • Patriotism: Our shit is better than your shit
  • Conservatism: They don't make even shit happen like they used to
  • Liberalism: Shit shouldn't happen tomorrow
  • Classical Physics: Shit does not 'happen', it just moves around
  • Quantum Physics #1: Shit happens but you can't say both where and when
  • Quantum Physics #2: Shit happens in discrete quanta called shitons
  • Holistic Physics: If shit happens, it happens everywhere at once
  • Microcomputing: If shit happens, we'll fix it in the next version
  • Applied Mathematics: The probabity of shit happening approaches unity
  • Engineering: When shit happens, paint over
  • Medicine: If shit happens, take two Aspirins and call me in the morning
  • Economics: Shit happens because there's a geat demand for it
  • Politics: If shit happens, make a deal with it
  • Diplomacy: Let's pretend shit doesn't happen


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